The Old Man and the Sea(t)

Did you ever just have one of those moments that come from nowhere that just brings warmth to your heart and hope to your soul.  While walking around the city today with my laptop in my backpack and my head between my knees (the boo hoo’s of life hitting me these days scenario), I took a break crossing town at the little fountain park that is across from The Plaza on 59th and 5th.  I sat on one of the more fashionable type cement benches that surround this sort of New York City landmark.  As I sat there a few minutes, I noticed an older gentlemen (83 years young I found out later) to the left of me on his cell.  A few minutes into my breather break, he passed by and made a comment about the choice of style I made that day.  I cannot remember exactly what he said but he nailed the look that I threw on that day without thinking but that had inadvertently expressed me to a tee….skinny jeans, t-shirt, blazer, big buckled belt, big earrings, backpack with laptop, front crossover “organized” bag and my…. hiking boots.  Hair in a big fluffy ponytail, light on the makeup but rosy on the lips and cheeks to make sure I have some color to the paler lighter skin I was born to.  If you gave me a little more bell bottom in the jeans, some cowboy boots and a hat, the outfit would have been perfect. 

In any event, I immediately acknowledged his dead-on characterization of my look /expression and we chit-chatted a bit while he eventually took a seat next to me on that bench.  We just talked, a little like Tuesday with Morrie or one of those movies where the old man has wisdom and “gets you” without you saying anything and yet all of it being so innocent and just sweet.  Something I needed desparately and so cool to have experienced. 

Although the conversation lasted only 10 minutes or so….I walked away with feeling kind of  serene and lovely.  Like little sprinkles of reminders from God (is it supposed to be capitalized? dah!???) that everything’s gonna be alright.  I think he may have walked away with something too and that I may have reminded him of his twin daughters both who had died in their 20’s who would probably be my age at this time and maybe I gave something to him when he walked his way and I mine.

Oh, Yeah…Express Yourself

How’s this?  What a dip, shit, dipper doodle of a dipshit ding dong donkey kong fool frig of a moosehead shithead.  Oh yeah…sometimes it justs feels good to let it out.

It’s Been A Long Time

Whoa!  A slow whirlwind of time passing by.  Six months since I last blogged in.  Coinciding with the resignation date of my previous job.   You would think with what should have been extra time on my hands I would have more time to blog but it turns out that I first ended up (as originally planned) putting a full focus on my band (ROCK N’ ROBIN) then added in a relationship that started up with my drummer (and the beat is still on – pun intended) then to boot add the economy issues which changed up the timing on finding a new job which took more footwork than originally thought….so blogging just was not on the top of my list.  Nevertheless, I miss it and I’m blogged back in.   Hopefully for a more consistent run this time.  Stay tuned…..

The Ever Changin’ Evolvement of Me

Oh, Shitza (and I’m not referring to a river in Hebrew)…it’s me saying…”oh, shit” (but trying to be lady-like).  Oh, fuckershit (to hell with the lady-like!).   Just had to let it out….. 

Oy vey!  Is it hitting me…..?  Do you mean that bottle of really delicious Shiraz/Casteleo red wine from Portugal that you just noticed you finished off (holy shit!) or the fact that you are turning that corner of freedom and holy fuckershitnoiddipstercuwackifungoid scenario of change that you found (or put) yourself in once again!  Yes, that’s me talking (typing) to myself… 

Although exciting, these changes are scary as heck.  I have recently resigned from my well paying-well benefited “Executive” position in Manhattan, gig’d/gigging with the Rock and Roll band (Vixen Dogs) continously (almost every weekend from September through December), took a cram course (and became ”New York City certified”) to be a New York City Bartender to have in case I need a back-up while contemplating my next venture/adventure (yes, I can make you a “Screaming Orgasm” or a “Red-Headed Slut” in a blink of an eye – ever heard of “Bright Lights, Big City”!), put my apartment on 30 day notice and….hmmm….what else…..I know there’s more….hmmm….well, this will have to be for now…so….holy Baby Guiness (Shot of Kahlua with a Bailey’s Topper-yummilicious!)….here I go again!

Iron Man….Yes You Can

Okay, I’m a little outdated but I visited Circuit City the other day in the city (New York) and they had this great new flat screen tv that played Iron Man and…..an hour later (literally) I found myself (between ewws and ahhs and ha-ha’s) grabbing my things quickedly as I was now late for a meeting with a friend.  What a great movie, although I did not see the beginning or the end…talk about leaving you wanting more!  Yum!  Downey (Robert, Jr. that is) does such a fabulous job….not an emotion missed or intensity shortened….and the story makes logical sense which is what gets me the most.  So you’ve got a great actor who’s right on…who’s biceps can turn anyone on….and a story plot that is conceptually and logically on.  Double yum-yum.

Ch Ch Ch Changes…

Life.  Hmm.  Life.  Very difficult at times.  Yes, you have to take the bitter with the better but my bitter has built and I don’t like it.  I’m synical where I use to be positive.  Disenchanted when I use to see the silver lining.  I feel challenged on so many levels.  I see such self-centeredness all around me.  I’m sure I must be the same.  There’s seems nothing to ever hold on to….everything can change.  Everything does change.  What stays the same is you’ve got you.  That’s it. 

Human nature is really screwy and disheartening.  I see alot of hardness.  Is it East Coast mentality that I am seeing?   Survival of the swiftest, the roughest, the streetsmartedness?  Or is it seeing life as it is without distractions like I had in place before?  Like kids, family, dogs, houses…ya know…all that stuff.  I’m not sure I quite like any of this.  Actually, I am quite sure I don’t like any of this.  The dysfunction that is so rampant.  I’m quite lonely about this.  Meaning I don’t know where to go with this.  Who to relate to on this, if anyone.  I don’t like it. 

I’d much rather be waking up feeling the sunshine and recognizing how brightly the tulip bloomed in a pink hue while running off to work in high spirits of a booming day.  Right now, that’s intermittent and I feel like life is a hustle and bustle and a street game of every man for himself.  An almost layer of protection that everyone seems to have developed or that has become a learned behavior from parents who had it rough, or from surviving and growing up by or in a big city.  Safeguarding from the realities of the world that have challenged some to the point of creating a solid cocoon or who were taught or challenged to ‘”give in” or “settle” to a dead kind of safe life.  I don’t know.  Am I looking at the glass half-empty when I use to see it half-full?  Or have I come to see reality for what it is? I don’t know.  Maybe it’s me.

Hell Yeah!

Well…it’s done.  I nailed the drummer.  In this case, nailing the drummer meaning his acceptance in joining the band.  Which is what went down last night (Saturday Night).

Since the moment I saw this drummer play, he sent every cell in my body stir crazy.  A powerhouse.  When he showed an interest in my band and then accepted an invite to come by to play with the band and feel things out, I was besides myself and very excited …but more importantly scared shitless. 

I knew this drummer was not one who would just join any band regardless of any blonde, big-boobed babe that might have first inspired him to do so.  Not saying this was the case but nevertheless whatever may have drove him to be interested to begin with would not sustain him if the band he would be playing with did not have what it takes and that was made very clear to me up front.

Interestingly enough, I saw a major shift in my own thinking of what I wanted to do with music once this interest was shown.  I went from being happy enough just to have band practice and a gig here or there to all of a sudden writing songs and seeing a bigger and more serious take on the Rock & Roll scene.  I guess having the possible opportunity to have someone on board who I thought was that good and a “perfectionist” in his music, up’d the ante for me and I saw myself wanting to rise to the occassion.  I believe it touched something inside of me that was already there but was now being motivated to cultivate.

Nevertheless, I was quite intimidated and very nervous when last night we were all meeting to feel each other out, to include the guitarist,who was originally on board but with the understanding that he had another band that was “first” before I ever came along, who had been kind of slipping away from our band because he was getting stretched too thin and finding his other projects more appealing.  That was until last night…

The night started we me worrying that I had alot to lose if we all didn’t “gel” or “I” wasn’t up to par.  There was the possible loss of the drummer (who I didn’t even have yet), my guitarist (who was also using last night as a measuring stick if he should stay on board any longer) and then there was the bass player, who I wasn’t sure was on board with me regardless or because he liked playing with the guitarist and if the guitarist was goin’ bye-bye, maybe he’d be too. 

If any of this was to happen, I knew I would be doubting myself and thinking maybe I was seeing this Rock & Roll thing through rose-colored glasses and that all my desire and what I see as a need to express myself through Rock & Roll would have to be denied and channeled somewhere else?  Where?  I could not fathom anything else having that much passion in my bones. 

This was the risk I was taking by “suiting up and showing up” last night.  Seeing my truth and facing it regardless.  I couldn’t live with myself if I gave into the fear and didn’t go.  I had to go for it.  This was a shot to take me to where I now understood very well where I wanted to go.  With musicians I respect who I could feel in my gut should/would be with me on stage.

But…”those thoughts” would creep in…Maybe I wasn’t ”good enough” or “up to par” with these talented and experienced musicians.  What if my voice wasn’t working the way it could…what if I forget the words and look unprofessional or too green.  What if, what if and then I said, “STOP”.  Just do.  Don’t think.  Just go.  Be.  Do your best.  Commit.  Think performance level.  Get out of your way.  Most importantly, don’t give a hoot what anyone else is thinking and who will stay or who will go and “fuck it”.  If things don’t go as planned.  “Next.”  If they don’t want to be on board.  “Next.”  Make it happen somewhere and/or with someone else.  Like any other relationship, there’s more fish in the sea.

So with a little help from a quick shot of Amaretto that I chug-a-lugg-a-lug-ed-ded (by sneaking out 10 minutes before showtime to a local pub around the corner from the studio where we were practicing in downtown-Manhattan) the show went on…..

We played as if we had been playing together for a long time.  An almost groove that we each fit just right in this little puzzle that we had.  We all knew most of the songs that were on the list or tossed out impromptu and if anything, just needed a little tweaking here or there.  I don’t think anyone would have believed it was our first time together and we shot out a number of songs that would have been right-on even in a professional situation which in my experience is quite uncommon with first time band practices.  We just clicked.  There was no doubt a sense that we all belonged right where we were and I think we all knew it.

So to make this long story short…..there is a new Rock & Roll band about to emerge that is going to rock your socks off…..so stay tuned (pun intended)…..and can anybody say “hell yeah”!

Here Comes The Gun, Doo Doo Doo Do.

Little did I know that after returning from a weekend trip to upstate New York that I would be coming back no longer in need of a possible botox injection that I may have been thinking of (yes I can be one of those ”use what you got (and a little help don’t hurt) to make the best of what you got” type women.  So sue me.  Which brings me back to my point (inside joke).  At my cousin Wendy’s friend Allan’s house in Hurleyville, NY (outside of Monticello), the boys started to bring out their toys. 

There was the Jeep, the Pick-Up Truck, the “left back at home” 4 Wheelers, the Cigars and then there was… the Marlin 450 Rifle.  I know this specific information on this rifle because Ron, the owner of Huntington Fine Arms (Lebanon, NJ) was one of those boys with his toys who brought out Mr. Marlin (the rifle). 

I must say, although I know nothing about guns, this was a beautiful piece.  I loved that is was all stainless steel and in my admiration of this weapon, I was invited to take a shot.  Of course, I say yes.  How can I turn down such a thing?

So I am guided by Allan (Wendy’s friend) on how to handle and shoot this rifle and who accentuated how very important it was to make sure I have an extreme grip on this rifle holding it tightly against the crevice where my upper arm and shoulder meet.  After several minutes of instruction, I pop a shot…..and a blood vessel, all at the same time. 

Basically, I let go a bit on the grip when I shot and the telescope thingy bucked back a bit and hit me where a botox injection would go…right between the eyes.  A little blood, and just enough swelling that gave me a real-time idea of what I may look like if that wrinkle that has been forming since I’ve joined the sisters of the traveling womenhood would suddenly disappear.  “Hmmm. Not bad”, I think to myself.

What else wasn’t bad was I hit the target right on and I mean right dead center on and blew a huge hole in the back board that stood behind the targets (bottles & containers).  It was so cool.  Of course, with the blood and protruding bump, the other girls were a bit hesitant to go next and chose to wait until the next time when the “22’s” (a lighter weapon) were expected to join the toy round-up.  They obviously did not need or feel the need to see a preliminary look on how botox may look on them.

So, with a little headache (but nothing a few (12 was the count?) vodkas couldn’t suppress), the night went on and I had a great time.  I got to know Wendy’s friends better who are a great bunch of people and got to know Wendy better too who I really didn’t know very well since a big chunk of the past years was my living in California.  She is like this energetic person who is always pumping you up in one way or another.  I felt like I had to give my ego a warning as to not get too big with all the compliments and show of support I was getting from her.  It was funny and great at the same time.  

I got to see that like me, she is an entreprenuerial spirit and it was so nice to have such similarities in a family member.  I was excited to hear that her store Girard Interiors in Westwood, NJ (www.girardinteriors.com) has been very successful for years and is now taking off and ”HOT” on a whole other level…..designing the house interiors of major sports players, coaches and the like who have been commissioning her to fly all over the United States to work on their houses.  Her talent and designs have created a non-stop buzz and her phone keeps a ringa-dinga-linga-ing.  Way to go, Wendy!

So, as a few days have gone by and the scab (ewww!) has all but gone, there seems to still be some swelling because I noticed the wrinkle which was on the left side of the center of the eyes is still just not there.  I notice however, the right side one is.  With the high price of getting botoxed these days, looks like I’ll be taking a trip back up to Hurleyville pretty soon and asking for a repeat go-round with Mr. Marlin.  Only this time I will shoot with my left arm so I can get Marlinoxed on my right wrinkle. Lol.

Rock & Roll and Lettin’ It Go.

Freaky?  Weird?  Screwed up?  Did I say weird?  Kind of surreal….and out of the “is this really going down” book of situations.  This was my experience the first part of the night, last night.  Throughout this experience….my demeanor, my emotional side, and my “see it for what it is” was all intact and I was able to be objective and appreciate how fortunate I was to have a straight answer right in front of me.  Although my ego was bruised, my emotional intelligence took over to really not give a hoot.  Certainly not my loss.  I love how I am just not wasting time in my head on bullshit and just focus on what makes me feel good.  Live and let live.  You do what you want, I do what I want.  If what you do doesn’t make me comfortable or feel good, I won’t try to change it….I’ll just focus on what I’m getting out of it and if nothing or negative….just walk.  No harm….no foul.

On the other hand, the later part of the night, into the wee hours………………..the sky fell.  Completely different situation from above. An extremely close to my heart situation and although it sounds like a recording……my heart broke to pieces.  Confused, bewildered and hurt beyond words could express, I looked at the clocked that said 5AM, took my Jetblue sleeping eye cover, cranked up the air conditioning, and slowly but securely, curled up and hid my head and body under the covers hoping to escape and hide from the world while the tears rolled down my face until sleep and the emotional exhaustion took over and I fell to sleep.

Upon wakening around 2:30PM (a complete rarity for me).  The tears were still but a thought away but…thank goodness for my new found friend (band member) Chris and the understanding that musicians have of getting the crap out through music….This was how it was with my peeps (band members) from California (J Rock and Triple T).  We had that special commorodity that cannot be explained.  I think I have found this in Chris.  I call him up ”you available to help me let it out?” “Yes” he says (thank god)…and as I end this note, to make my way and get ready to sing some notes (and drink some wine and sing it hard and emotionally loud) I say…thank god for music…thank god for Rock & Roll……….!

Stairway to Heaven on Eleven(th)

Last night I had the opportunity to climb to the top of stairs and experienced a little bit of heaven.  I showed up at the Montana Studios in midtown Manhattan to watch a new found friend’s Led Zeppelin Tribute Band’s (“The Song Remains the Same”) weekly Saturday night practice and…… was blown away.  Prior to accepting the invite to go, I didn’t know what to expect.  I figured I’d probably have fun, see a garage band type pull together a few Zeppelin tunes, support my friends efforts and that would be that. 

Well, surprise, surprise.  Little did I know that I would be watching a band that is seriously authentic in portraying the sounds, sights and the “who, what and where” of Zeppelin.  

I knew I was going to be in for something good when upon arriving at 56th & 11th in search of the address where this practice was taken place (and that had also been the practice space for the likes of Zeppelin themselves along with a host of other well known Rock & Roll bands) when I hear a kind of riff coming from a window somewhere.   The kind of riff that even though you are crossing the streets of New York City trying not to get hit by a taxi, makes you stand up and take notice.  I’m thinkin’, “hey I know that sound”…………”da da dunt, da da dunt, da da dunt, da da dunt…” and as I let the “da da dunts” (Cashmere by Zeppelin) be the sound guide to lead me to my destination I say to myself…..”geez, this is going to be good”.  Little did I know how good.

What I saw was a band who is adamant on recreating the Led Zeppelin experience authentically.  A powerhouse band of perfectionists who gave me a taste of what it must have been like to experience Led Zeppelin live.  There’s a reason Zeppelin is like no other and this band shows you why.  And, this was only their band practice……! www.myspace.com/thesongremainsthesame44