Over Easy

Darn I’m sad and damn, I suck at over.

More importantly, I am the one who feels rejected/dejected/dissed/tossed/thrown to the dogs, ya know….ego de-boosting things.  I didn’t even want it anymore!  Or did I ever really? 

Or, am I just being a spoiled ego driven brat who didn’t get what she wanted the way she wanted and pissed because I stayed in too long and invested some of my emoooootions.  

Which brings me to my love/hate relationship with my emotions.  Love my passionate emotions on the good stuff but they are just as passionate as the bad stuff.  I’ve learned and am still learning to take that good with the bad, the bitter with the better and all that ying yang crap. 

Regardless…..it wasn’t right for me and here I am…..feeling disposed of.  Boy do I have issues.

I hung in there to see if it would bump up from the nowhere land it was to then be able to see if it was even what I would want once the bump up took place but….it never got there.  Why?  Because I was vulnerable, just coming out of a divorce and going with someone who had certain qualities yet lacked the rest and I rode with it.  I was holding my breath for the rest to emerge and in the end……the true colors emerged which are a muted gray and a dark black who I think objectifies girls but held off from letting that part of him been seen with me while he thought he could get some.

 Unsatisfied and unhappy for the most part witht this person.  Yet, I’m sad.  Why?

Because my ego was kicked.  I picked a guy who could care less about dreams or living good or living life and how could I expect him to value what I bring to the table when he does not need for anything or appreciate anything.  A robot who takes orders from people and just does…no thought for himself…follows the leaders and emulates what others do.  Lonely and lost and yet I’m sittin’ here at Starbucks sad.  Sad that someone like him dissed me or at least it feels that way.

I couldn’t pull it out of him I guess.  Now he’s blowing me off?  It’s a double kick.  Being with someone who under  no uncertain terms had someone fall in his lap who’s level is so far from his normal reach and yet he couldn’t see it.  It’s the story you hear all the time isn’t it.

What the point of the story….it’s not him…it was me.  If I was in it with this person, what’s wrong with me that I would be? 

 Its a kick in the ass….to wake up and see how I have a tendency to fall for the underdog who couldn’t appreciate a diamond if it shined on their penis.  Oh, actually that’s probably why it lasted that long cause that’s all he could see, the shine on his penis.

Hopefully in the futre he will learn to use it better.

  Who was brought up with cubic circonias that come easy and assume the value on the diamond is to be the same

Nobody’s fault but my own. 

Nevertheless, I suck at over’s.  Do we all?  Oh, he’ll miss me, I know and he’ll realize the diamond, I know.  They all do and then it too late.  Time I stick with a guy that knows the value of a diamond. 

Keep your gold shine necklaces and ethnic mentality and like the misery you are…..

The funny thing is…when I write I laugh and feel free.  it’s never as bad as it seems and…when you write, it all comes into perspective.

I swear, the sadness has left and I am releived about this non-sensical tyranny of an absentee mentality who couldn’t communicate if you hung him off his back yard laundry line. 

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