Life. Hmm. Life. Very difficult at times. Yes, you have to take the bitter with the better but my bitter has built and I don’t like it. I’m synical where I use to be positive. Disenchanted when I use to see the silver lining. I feel challenged on so many levels. I see such self-centeredness all around me. Am I the same? There’s seems nothing to ever hold on to….everything can change. Everything does change. What stays the same is you’ve got you. That’s it.
Human nature is really screwy and disheartening. I see alot of hardness. Is it East Coast mentality that I am seeing? Survival of the swiftest, the roughest, the streetsmartedness? Or is it seeing life as it is without distractions like I had in place before? Like kids, family, dogs, houses…ya know…all that stuff. I’m not sure I quite like any of this. Actually, I am quite sure I don’t like any of this. The dysfunction that is so rampant. I’m quite lonely about this. Meaning I don’t know where to go with this. Who to relate to on this, if anyone. I don’t like it.
I’d much rather be waking up feeling the sunshine and recognizing how brightly the tulip bloomed in a pink hue while running off to work in high spirits of a booming day. Right now, that’s intermittent and I feel like life is a hustle and bustle and a street game of every man for himself. An almost layer of protection that everyone seems to have developed or that has become a learned behavior from parents who had it rough, or from surviving and growing up by or in a big city. Safeguarding from the realities of the world that have challenged some to the point of creating a solid cocoon or who were taught or challenged to ‘”give in” or “settle” to a dead kind of safe life. I don’t know. Am I looking at the glass half-empty when I use to see it half-full? Or have I come to see reality for what it is? I don’t know. Maybe it’s me.