Today I am hurting very much. I am solemnly experiencing all sorts of feelings but mostly fear and extreme sadness and hurt. I am keeping with the idea to let go and accept life as it has played out and trust that all is for a reason and that life will take me where I am suppose to be but with that, today, I am also feeling the hurt. I cannot express in words the depth of my feelings. I am hurting and scared and feel very lonely, even in a city packed with people at every turn. I feel alone as if walking like a cowboy entering a deserted town with a ghost-like feeling everywhere.
I am mourning the loss of a love. A loss of trust and all that goes with it. I want all this to be fixed and the hurt to go away. But I know it is not in my hands and I am powerless. This hurt, this emptiness, I have to go through when it shows up. Today it’s here, hopefully tomorrow it won’t be. I cannot run. As much as I feel the pain, I get glimpses of the gain. “Growing pains” they call it.
I do want these feelings to go away but they are here and I have to ride them. Ride them like the f&%ckers they are! Pain is hard and I have to remember this will pass. This will pass. Gosh darn there, I hope this will pass…..!